Crisis Marketing.
Back by popular demand: Street Stuff.
As the times are plummeting towards a certain economic meltdown, marketing tactics are getting fiercer. A new version is Crisis Marketing, or better said: Guerrilla Marketing.
Threatening with the end of the world has been a successful tactic in Christian death cults (find here tips on how to start one), so why not trying that with ham sales?
Do you know how to make money by threatening people? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Tom Cruise’s Octo-Mom Impregnation.
Yeah we love the USA, land of milk, honey and unimaginable lawsuits!
This time it’s Tom Cruise (you know, the man with the hair helmet) who is on the receiving end of some very likely charges.
A guy who calls himself Slim Shady Holmes (yes, that is how he calls himself) is seeking nearly $34 million in damages and custody of the actor’s daughter, Suri Cruise.
See the list of charges below and remember: I AM NOT SHITTING YOU. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.
- He claims that Suri is being “brainwashed” into Scientology (this could actually be true).
- He witnessed Tom “dancing in his underwear with John Travolta”.
- He claims that Tom is “on the prowl” and will likely “impregnate the Octo-Mom next.”
- He name-drops numerous famous people including Katie Holmes, Matt Damon, Jeff Gordon, George Zimmerman, Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham), Keith Urban, Jackie Chan and Saddam Hussein.
- He claims “Tom got a tattoo of Kat Von D on his inner thigh.”
- He claims “Tom would indoctrinate Suri Cruise with repeats of Dawson Creek”. (This also strikes me as very likely).
- And as always I save the best for last. Slim Shady Holmes tells us that “Tom Cruise pretended he was the last samurai, attacked me, killer clowns from outer space, and the milky way candy bar company, and mr. Goodbar was a witness.”
Read the yummy news here: radaronline.com.
Are you a glue sniffing jet fighter pilot? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Justin Bieber’s Penis Enlargement.
Selena Gomez’s father finally spilled some inside intelligence on JB’s mental instability.
Here are some (very cynically, these are not all of them) of the juicy details. For example, did you know:
“Bieber has cost Selena Gomez’s father $426.78 and never paid him back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got his daughter Selena pregnant in his bedroom, on his Canadian bear rug.”
“Usher Raymond came to Selena Gomez’s father house on the forth of July 2012 and sodomized him with a firework and lit it inside his anal area while blaring Kate Perry firework songs in his ear drums.”
“Bieber gave Selena an STD and Bieber stole her father’s credit card to buy him and Sean “P Diddy” Combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones.”
“Bieber also got a penis enlargement with Selena Gomez’s father stolen American Express card. ”
Read the yummy news here: tmz.com.
Have you ever shared a leprosy infected needle with The Bieber? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Canadian Cousins Alert.
Tony DiMaio/startraksphoto.com; Jason Merritt/Getty Images
I knew it. I fucking knew it.
Mental illness clearly runs in this Canadian family.
Researchers at Ancestry.com have discovered some extremely surprising news: pop singer Justin Bieber is cousins with Ryan Gosling and Avril Lavigne! Not only that, but he’s also related to Celine Dion!
Read the full suicidal story here: uk.eonline.com.
Ryan is okay as an actor (well, at least in “Drive”) but should stay far away from singing (as part of the horrible band “Dead Man’s Bones”). And Celine should be beheaded with one of Justin’s ripped out lungs by Avril wearing nothing but a ski mask and covered in pig’s blood.
Can all four of them please be executed on international tv? Felix Baumgartner will be so jealous.
Are you related to Pee-wee Herman? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
When A Plan Comes Together.
I love it when a plan comes together.
Eleven months ago I started writing about vomit, The Bieber and Lady Gag.
Now they finally team up. I’m a raunchy visionary.
The Bieber did his barfing on October 1st at a gig in Glendale. Not less than 18,000 Beliebers in the Jobing Arena could witness the reversed bowel movements of our little music rapist.
I think he got sick from his own music. You know, a case of self infection, and then caught Bieber Fever himself. I always vomit a lot myself when I have that.
Lady Gag couldn’t let go of The Bieber pissing on her parade so she decided to vomit on stage not twice, like The Bieber, but 3 times, in a very unlikely vomit fest in Barcelona on October 6th. Now we finally know why she calls herself Lady Gag, she’s a pro, that puke comes out of her mouth at Mach 9. Watch it here, it’s her best performance ever: Lady Gag Vomit Fest.
Have you ever vomited a blind crippled mentally handicapped dwarf with a hump back to death? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Burka Ninja Muslim Terror Samurai Stealth Squad.
My list of cool women keeps growing at a disturbing rate. It’s not sane.
Especially Muslim women are getting adamant about what exactly is written in the Koran.
An Iranian cleric said he was beaten by a woman in the northern province of Semnan after giving her a warning for being “badly covered,” the state-run Mehr news agency reported here: bloomberg.com.
Hojatoleslam Ali Beheshti said he encountered the woman in the street while on his way to the mosque in the town of Shahmirzad, and asked her to cover herself up, to which she replied “you, cover your eyes,” according to Mehr. The cleric repeated his warning, which he said prompted her to insult and push him.
“I fell on my back on the floor,” Beheshti said in the report. “I don’t know what happened after that, all I could feel was the kicks of this woman who was insulting me and attacking me.”
Beheshti… Please take a look in the mirror. You got beaten up by a girl. You know, those creatures that you hate so much.
Apart from that, anyone who dresses like YOU should be executed by DRORE (Death by Ramming an Oar in the Right Eye) in a public Middle East street.
I never understood why the 3 hugest religions in the world hate gays so much, yet are filled with men wearing dresses. Well, probably because it’s easier to rape little boys without having to take down your jeans. Plus you can wipe your dick clean with your dress afterward.
So let’s talk about THAT next time you shove that Bible / Koran / Torah / Donald Duck in my face whilst trying to grope my crotch!
Are you a Jewish Tiger Samurai? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Fuck You Sushi.
Another case of stupid fucking ass wipers trying to tell us how to behave. And I thought this could only happen in the USA.
Fuck you, judge Kirkland Casgrain! FUKYU!
Read the story on montrealgazette.com.
Are you opening a restaurant called Fukof? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Sheldon Adelson.
Yes fuckers and fuckettes, this is “democracy”. Hah.
Here’s a copy paste from one of the newsletters from Obama’s campaign team. Read how money is corrupting the western “civilization” and vomit a dwarf into a coma. Then donate your money to Obama’s campaign.
“Sheldon Adelson, the conservative billionaire Las Vegas casino owner, has pledged to give up to $100 million — whatever it takes — to defeat Barack Obama. We know it’s not out of love for Mitt Romney, so why part with so much money? As President Clinton reminded us last week, sometimes the answer is as simple as arithmetic.
So let’s do the math: According to a new report from the Center for American Progress Action Fund, Adelson could see up to $2 billion in savings under Mitt Romney’s tax plan versus the President’s plan. That’s how much Romney’s policies would favor millionaires and billionaires. If Mitt Romney wins — $2 billion more for Adelson. If Barack Obama wins, millionaires and billionaires pay their fair share.
It’s a highly cynical but straightforward calculation. Today, you can help write a different equation. Donate $25 or more, and let’s make sure this election is decided by millions of Americans, not a handful of billionaires. Here’s how it would work for Adelson in a Romney-Ryan administration:
- Romney would keep in place the Bush tax cuts, and cut Adelson’s income taxes by an additional 20 percent. Adelson savings: $1.5 million per year on income he earns as CEO.
- Romney’s plan eliminates taxes on foreign profits like the ones Adelson makes on his Asian casinos. Adelson savings: $1.2 billion.
- Romney’s plan maintains the current low tax rate on dividends. Adelson savings: $120 million per year.
- Romney’s plan removes the estate tax. Adelson heirs save: $8.9 billion.
I honestly can’t think of a more straightforward contrast in this election. We don’t have Sheldon Adelson, and with all due respect, we don’t want him. We’re relying on more than 3 million grassroots donors, who are giving an average of $58.
Donate $25 or more today and let’s win our way: donate.barackobama.com.”
You think this is just a strategic email from Obama’s team to get more votes or money? You’re wrong. Read the full unbiased story here: capitalnewyork.com.
May you see a member of Sheldon’s family in the street, kick him. Kick him hard.
Are you a billionaire? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Smoking Crack.
I don’t know what it is but I seem to get to know a lot of cool women lately. Usually they seem so hard to find.
Take Judge Lucy Koh (leading the Apple vs. Samsung lawsuit) for example. Although she looks like a heavily compressed doll for creepy people, she actually knows exactly what she’s doing.
Koh was bothered by how long the witness list is (considering that both sides only have 25 hours each to argue their case) and asked Apple’s attorney if he was smoking crack.
I find that funny.
Even more hilarious however was that the filthy scumbag – or, as Koh calls him, attorney – took it as a serious question and responded with, “Your Honor, I’m not smoking crack.”
Of course we all know he’s lying. He’s an attorney.
Read the story on techcrunch.com.
Are you sniffing glue? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.
Gay Black Jewish Klansmen For Tolerance And Understanding.
Aren’t they just adorable?
Are you a gay black Jewish Klansman who supports tolerance and understanding? Send your email to Raunchy Contacts and my personal assistant Deirdre will send you her panties. She’s very clean.