I have retreated myself from Western Civilization (WWHHOOOOOOHHHAAAAAAHAAAAAA!!! CIVILIZATION MMMPPPFFFHHHHH !!!) for a few days to get my sanity back and hope for the long awaited World Downfall to strike on our doomed planet with monsoon rains of camel sperm on every continent and young born babies inexplicably exploding right in the arms of their fresh mommies, evidently not nearly equipped to handle their newborn splattered over their face like an anally blasted diarrhea turd in a pissing pot.
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So I come out of the monastery, hoping for a worldwide disaster to have occurred or a deadly virus to have broken loose on mankind, and what do I get?
Nice. Nice. Finally Barak manages to get the US out of their Third World situation that they’ve been stuck in since their existence, saving millions of lives in the process. But I was waiting for Smurfs on a cannibal killing spree, or Britney Spears shaving Barak’s head bold, or something… ugly.
So, to get back at the world, I will launch an official BieberBashaton to get rid of all the boiled up hatred which is raging through my spine at this very moment.
Why The Bieber again you ask?
My reasons are twofold:
1. It’s so fucking easy.
2. See number 1.
YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! YES YOU! can participate in this life changing event!
Send your favorite Bieber article to my adorable personal assistant Deirdre here: Raunchy Contacts and she will send you her panties. You will also automatically win a karaoke night in your own home, hosted by David Hasselhoff! Of course he will also perform his smash hit “Looking for Freedom” until everybody blast vomits their sphincter through their left nose hole into the face of a blind nun with a wooden leg and father issues, or dies from spontaneous ocular bleeding.
Bieber Countdown begins now: 120 hours…